Whittlin' Man - Stephen Lynch
In the woods of Northern Michigan he made his home
Didn't ask much from the world, just wanted to be alone
He got his first real blade at thirteen thats when it all began
soon the creatures of the forest called him whittlin' man
yeah
he whittled all day and he whittled all night
he whittled whittled whittled everything in sight
he whittled on a stick
he whittled on his shoe
and if you come too close gonna whittle you too
keep a safe distance if you can
cause you're never safe around whittlin` man
had a stump to sit on
had some wood, had his trusty knife
whittled out a house, a car
and he whittled himself a wife (such a beautiful wife)
whittled out four kids, a swimming pool and a big lear jet
and so he wouldn't miss saved by the bell, well he whittled a T.V. set
yeah
he whittled if its light, and he whittled if its dark
and if Noah was around well he'd whittle him an arc
he'd whittle somethin new and he'd whittle somethin old
he'd whittle somethin hot and he'd whittle somethin rather chilly
keep a safe distance if you can
cause you're never safe around whittlin` man
break it down
some say whittlin` mans a genius, still others say he's just dumb
he whittled off a foot, an ear, three fingers and his left thumb
boy is he dumb
that won't stop him, no it won't
he'll whittle through thick and thin
once he's whittled everything, he'll just whittle it all again
yeah
he whittled if it was white, and he whittled if its black
and he whittled on a duck til the duck can't quack
he whittled if it was dry and he whittled if its juicy
whittled on Desi and he whittled on Lucy
whittled JFK and he whittled Jackie O
whittled old Larry and Curly and Moe
and he whittled Frank Zappa and he whittled Tipper Gore
whittle whittle whittle til he can't no more
whittled Shamu and he whittled on Jaws
whittled The Easter Bunny and he whittled Santa Claus
and whittle whittle whittle just fast he can
whittle 'til he's dead, he's whittlin` man
