Luisa (as the Overture comes to an end) Guido,
I have to tell you, this is just not my idea of a successful marriage.
(Guido conducts a chord.)
Guido What? (chord)
Luisa You told me we were going to spend the evening talking!
I don’t think you’ve heard a word I’ve said all night! (chord)
Guido Luisa, that’s not true. I’ve heard everything you’ve said. Everything. (chord)
Luisa What I miss most, I think, is honesty. (chord)
Guido Luisa, darling, believe me, I think you are the most
honest woman I have ever met. (chord)
Luisa (coldly) Thank you. Guido, how would you like a divorce? (chord)
Guido (his mind on his “orchestra”) What? (chord)
Luisa Because if you don’t change your ways, I am going to leave you!
(That gets through. Huge chord.)
Guido (quieting the chord)
Luisa, darling, listen, this is not a good moment in my life.
Luisa Nor in mine! (chord)
Guido As it happens, at this moment I have a great many things on my mind.
Luisa (like ice) I can imagine. (chord)
Carla (rising saucily and singing) AHHHHHHH.
Guido (panicking) Down! Get down!
Luisa (as Carla gets down) Guido, are you paying atten tion to me?
Guido Absolutely!
La FleurContini! Are you trying to avoid me?
Guido Absolutely not!
La FleurI certainly hope not.
La Fleur’s mysterious accomplice, Lina/Leo, points a small gun at Guido,
Who raises his arms in panic.
Guido’s Mother Guido!
Guido Mama! (Little Guido enters on a run.)
Guido’s Mother (looking at Little Guido) Guido, where are you running to? Guido ...
Little Guido runs over to her and hugs her.
Guido hugs himself, his eyes shut, smiling at the memory.
Guido Mama, Mama, Mama
Luisa (with alarm) Guido, are you all right?
Guido Of course I’m all right! Why do you always ask me that?
I am not a child! (Necrophorus laughs mockingly.)
I am a mature Italian film director! (Others pick up the laugh.)
And as such, perfectly capable of conducting my own affairs! (silencing them)
Ssssh! (turning to Luisa) Luisa, listen, I’ve got an idea.
Why don’t we go away together?
You know, someplace quiet, where I can clear my mind.
And live like a monk.
Music. Venice begins to appear on the horizon.
Our Lady of the Spa comes forward with an enticing, soothing smile.
Our Lady of the Spa Here in Venice, at Fontane di Luna,
Europe’s most exclusive spa, rejuvenation awaits you.
Guido A spa! That’s where we’ll go! Fontane di Luna!
Our Lady of the Spa At Fontane di Luna there are waters
Fed by springs coming from somewhere deep,
Deep down springs of purity and health,
Springs renowned for their amazing restorative powers.
Guido It’s what I need!
Our Lady of the Spa With these mysterious waters we caress and soothe
Guido (to Luisa, trying to charm her) I can lie in a tub!
Up to here! And only you will know who I am.
Our Lady of the Spa Emerging from your tub,
You will find us waiting to embrace you with soft, warm linen towels.
(Guido begs Luisa with his eyes.)
Luisa All right. But it’s the last chance I’m giving you.
Guido It’s all I ask! All I need!
Music. Venice becomes clearer. We are at the spa.
Our Lady of the Spa The spa was built in 1443 by Michel
Ozzo as the summer residence of the notorious Pope Innocenti III,
Better known to history as Il Bastardo.
The miraculous mineral fountain around which the palazzo was constructed is over here in the garden.
Luisa It looks a bit like a convent school I once went to.
Guido It looks like my old parochial school. (Guido starts to hide his face with his scarf.)
Luisa Guido, what are you doing?
Guido Making sure no one recognizes me.
A lot of famous people come to this place, you know.
Luisa Guido
Guido What?
Luisa If you don’t want to be recognized,
why don’t we go to a spa that’s less well-known?
Guido Because if I do that, people will get the idea that
I’m hiding!
American Reporter Guarda! It’s Guido Contini!
Guido Oh my God!
Guido & Luisa (together) Reporters! (Little Guido runs off.)
Giulietta/Giulio Guido Contini!
