It's no go the merry-go-round, it's no go the rickshaw
All we want is a limousine and a ticket for the peepshow.
Their knickers are made of crepe-de-chine, their shoes are made of python
Their halls are lined with tiger rugs and their walls with heads of bison.
John MacDonald found a corpse, put it under the sofa
Waited till it came to life and hit it with a poker.
Sold its eyes for souvenirs, sold its blood for whisky
Kept its bones for dumbbells to use when he was fifty.
It's no go the Yogi-Man, it's no go Blavatsky
All we want is a bank balance and a bit of skirt in a taxi.
It's no go the gossip column, it's no go the ceilidh
All we want is a Mother's help and a sugar-stick for the baby.
Annie MacDougall went to milk, caught her foot in the heather
Woke to hear a dance record playing of Old Vienna.
It's no go your maidenheads, it's no go your culture
All we want is a Dunlop tyre and the devil mend the puncture
The Laird o' Phelps spent Hegmanay declaring he was sober
Counted his feet to prove the fact and found he had one foot over.
Mrs Carmichael had her fifth, looked at the job with repulsion
Said to the midwife "Take it away; I'm through with overproduction."
It's no go the Yogi-Man, it's no go Blavatsky
All we want is a bank balance and a bit of skirt in a taxi.
It's no go the Herring Board, it's no go the Bible
All we want is a packet of fags when our hands are idle.
Willie Murphy cut his thumb, couldn't count the damage
Took the hyde of an Ayrshire cow and used it for a bandage.
His brother caught three hundred cran when the seas were lavish
Threw the bleeders back in the sea and went upon the parish.
It's no go my honey love, it's no go my poppet
Work your hands from day to day, the winds will blow the profit
The glass is falling hour by hour, the glass will fall forever
But if you break the bloody glass you won't hold up the weather.
It's no go the picture palace, it's no go the stadium
It's no go the country cot with a pot of pink geraniums
It's no go the Government grants, it's no go the elections
Sit on your arse for fifty years and hang your hat on a pension.
