Me and my buddy got us some wild hair
and figured we wanted to go somewhere
so we loaded up in my ragtop Chevrolet
We had a little bit of money and a whole lot to show with Hank Junior blarin' on the radio
we got a tank full of gas and we was on our way
We figured we go down to New Orleans
and we were barrelin' down ol' seventeen
when a man with a blinkin' red light was on our tail
He said "You were doin' sixty in a fourty-five
but I'm gonna let you go this time
but if I catch you again I'm gonna slap
you in the county jail"
We said "Thank you sir, you've sure been nice
you ain't gonna have to tell us twice"
and we were southbound and down with
the wind blowin in our face
We kept on rollin' and pretty soon
the radio was cookin' out a Haggard tune
and we were pullin into Houston
and checkin' out all them places
I was feelin' dry and I said
"I think we better stop and get ourselves a drink"
Ol' Jim said "Yeah cuz we got time to kill"
We kept on rollin' and I see this spot
and we pulled into the parkin' lot
with this place called the Cloud Nine Bar and Grill
We walked through the door and the place was jammed the lights were low they had a punk rock band
and some orange-head feller singin' 'bout suicide
I said "Jim, this ain't our kind of place"
He said "Well lets just have one round anyways"
so against my better judgement we walked on inside
Went up to the bar and we sat down and
this feller walked up and said "I'll buy this round" and he sat down on the barstool next to Jim
He looked like a girl but he talked like a guy
he had lipstick on and mascara in his eye and everybody in that place looked just about like him
I said "Jim this ain't our kind of bar
let's go on out and get back in the car
'Cause there's gonna be trouble and
there ain't no sense in takin the chance"
We was gettin' up and gettin ready to leave
and somebody grabbed ol' Jim by the sleeve
It was this good lookin' girl
she was askin' my buddy to dance
I said "Jim don't do it, theres somethin' missin' There's fellers dancin' and fellers kissin'
there's a feller in a high
heeled shoe wearin' panty hose!"
He said "Partner I just cant turn this down
You just go on over there and have one more round
I'll dance with the lady and
we'll get on down the road"
So he walked away and left me alone
and this funny lookin feller kept comin' on
and he was makin' me mad with
some of the things he said
And then he put his hand on my knee
and I said "If you dont get your paw off me
I'm gonna locate your nose around
on the side of your head"
He said "I love it when you get that fire in your eye" I said "Well partner, try this on for size"
and I unloaded on him and he went out like a light
Everybody in that place must have been his friend
they all headed for me, I said "This is the end"
'cause where I come from we don't
give up with out a fight
They were screamin and yellin'
and scratchin' and clawin'
I was punchin' and hittin'
and kickin' and pawin'
I was holdin' my own cause
I've been in a scrap or two
Ol' Jim come runnin' up out the blue
and that gal he was with come runnin' up too
and persisted to beat on me with a high heeled shoe
I grab her by the hair and it come off in my hand
and that beautiful girl was just a beautiful man
and ol' Jim just got sick right there on the floor
He dropped that dude like a shot from a gun
smeared his lipstick made his make up run
and me and ol' Jim started
fightin' our way to the door
Man we let of there in that old Chevrolet
put her on the floor and it stayed that way
We was goin' down the highway doin'
about a hundred and ten
We was headin' for home and we was gettin' near
and then a red light come on in the rear view mirror and that same blame cop pullin' us over again
Well I'm sittin here in this county jail
and I had to call my daddy to send our bail
and I learned me a lesson I never will forget again
I done give up drinkin', I've given up bars
and runnin' around the country in souped up cars
and gone back to where the women are women
and the men are men
